Because premature ejaculation (PE) is such a common condition, people have sought treatments for thousands of years. Even the ancient Chinese tried to deal with it. Fangzhongshu is a compendium of sexual skills and methods. Ejaculation control skills are part of that ancient job. PE is hardly a modern invention! Still, modern health care seems to be behind the curve in treating this ubiquitous condition.
As with anything related to medicine (and especially sex medicine), there is usually no silver bullet to solve our problems. The most successful way to treat PE is to take a multi-faceted approach that includes medical treatment, mental health care, and sexual education. While either approach may work, we’ve found that a combined approach is more successful.
The typical man who comes to us for help with PE is usually in some sort of crisis mode. Very often, couples ignore or avoid talking about their feelings on the subject. It is common for resentments to build up to boil over and men with vulnerable relationships come to us. When men seek help, they are often in severe emotional and psychological distress.
The good news is that we can help men gain control pretty quickly through medical treatments. It may take trial and error to find the right drug at the right dose, but for the vast majority of men it is possible for us to stop the downward spiral and get back the desired function. Once they get out of crisis mode, we move into therapy and education to address the underlying issues.
As we said earlier, some men can just be hardwired to ejaculate quickly and for these men they may need to take medication for years. For many men, however, the key to ejaculation control is teaching them how to soften arousal and maintain the arousal level on the plateau. This means relearning how to have sex and recognizing sexual patterns that interfere with ejaculation control.
For example, most men learn how to have sex with teenage friends and pornography. Your sexual routine is carefully controlled and almost always follows the same procedure. For many couples, sex consists of dating, foreplay, maybe some oral sex, and then penetration. For many men the goal is then to give their partner an orgasm, and then the man allows himself an orgasm – that is the end of sex!
Unfortunately, this carefully prescribed routine is an unrealistic and punchy accomplishment. When things go wrong, or when there is an abnormality in the routine, one or both partners tend to view the sexual experience as flawed, bad, or “it didn’t go right”. Men in particular feel guilty in this situation. Culturally, men have been taught that sex is their responsibility and if something goes wrong it’s their fault.
In the therapy phase of treatment, we learn to recognize the sexual routines, patterns and stresses that stand in the way of pleasure-oriented sex. Instead of performing, we teach men to play. This means unlearning old beliefs and relearning a new, healthier approach to sexual expression. Most men will admit that when they have sex, they somehow act out a porn scene. This realization opens the door to a more fulfilling and rewarding playful sexual experience.
In addition, we teach men the ability to become aware of their arousal levels and their proximity to ejaculation. We teach them to modify arousal and sensory input to maintain the level of arousal on the plateau. Very often these exercises are masturbation exercises, as well as partner exercises, in which the sex is less focused on the genitals and more on intimacy.
Practically any man struggling with uncontrolled ejaculation can be helped. Even if he can never learn to completely control his ejaculation, he can learn to change the focus of the sexual experience so that ejaculating quickly does not significantly affect the pleasure or relationship.
If you would like to learn more about the treatment of PE, contact us for a free telephone consultation. We are here to help.