Whether you’re an avid writer or haven’t touched a diary since elementary school, here at Intimina we have a little challenge for you. A practice that can transform your sex life, your connection to pleasure, and your safety in your body. Let me introduce you – sex journaling.
What exactly is a sex journal you ask? This is exactly what it sounds like, a diary in which you write about sex!
Whether the thought of keeping a sex journal generates anticipation, excitement, curiosity, or all of the above, you can absolutely benefit from this practice.
Advantages of a sex journal
Your sex life is not stagnant while there will always be ebb and flow, it is an ever-evolving journey with the potential to move on. If you can track your journey, you can see how you grow as you change and how they correlate with where you live.
Keeping a sex journal can be incredibly helpful in healing sexual traumawhen trying different ways of masturbating or when you are in a new relationship.
Your ability to be raw and honest with yourself about sex can help create trust that carries over to every other area of your life.
What am I doing?
By now, you may be reaching for a pen and paper ready to get started but not sure what to actually write.
Here are some helpful things to keep in mind as you start practicing your sex journal …
- What are your arousal levels at different times in your menstrual cycle?
- What are your arousal scores compared to your stress level and mental health?
- Did you use any tools or props? How did you like it?
- How present did you feel in your body?
- Were there any emotional or physical blocks that you noticed?
- Which sex acts are you curious about or are you fantasizing about right now?
Keep it separate and consistent
While this is of course a personal choice, we recommend keeping your sex journal separate from any regular journal or journal that you keep. That way, you stay organized and can easily track changes and patterns without going through all of your daily thoughts and deliberations.
When you choose to keep a journal, you are choosing a journal that feels sensual, alluring and inspires you to write in it.
Consistency is key here. Without being too strict with yourself, try to remember to write down at least a few words after every romp in the bag – that includes masturbation.
Nobody else will see this unless you naturally want to.
This is your opportunity to contemplate and remember your sexual antics without censorship.
Give yourself permission to be as honest as possible and let thoughts flow freely through you. Honesty, like anything, is a practice and sometimes you don’t realize how to hold back until it shows up.
The more honest you can be in your journaling, the better your communication will be with all sexual partners you have or will have in the future – including yourself.
You decide the assessment
You set the tone of your diary. That said, you can choose to tell every sexy detail of your encounters or think more about what emotions and energies arose during and after the encounter.
Even if you start with X-rated entries, this can always shift and evolve and reappear. Better yet, toss the reviews out the window and just write down what comes to mind when you get pen to paper.
Make it a partner practice
Sex journaling is fantastic and cathartic as a solo activity, but when you’re done with a partner, both of you have the opportunity to turn incredible sex into revolutionary, transcendental sex.
Talking openly about sex can be difficult, especially if you are new to it. One of the most helpful ways to improve your sex life is through communication.
Sex journaling allows you and your partner to clearly reflect on the experience before sharing this information with each other. If you’re planning on sharing your sex journal with a partner, here are some helpful pointers to keep in mind …
- I felt seen when you _____
- It felt amazing when you _____
- It didn’t feel good when you _____
- I would love if you did more of this _____
- Here’s something I wanted to try / explore _____
After just one session of sharing your sex journals, you and your partner will feel more connected, rougher and more vulnerable, and feel a lot easier to communicate with in the moment.
At the end of the day, your sex journal is just that – yours. You can choose the tone of your writing, who can read it, what and when to follow it, and how to incorporate your insights into your sex life.
Natasha’s passion for reproductive health began at the age of fourteen when she was present at the birth of her youngest sister. Her incredible experiences as a birthing doula gave her insights into the magical realm of childbirth, pregnancy and everything in between. Your role as an obstetrician is her way of serving as an activist. She uses writing as an important educational tool to bring about changes in our view of reproductive health as a whole.